If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
