im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
