im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
