you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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