So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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