marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
