hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
