She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
