I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
