I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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