it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
