so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Vodka?
Forever.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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