There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
