yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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