it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
