haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
