if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
