Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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