So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
