i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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