my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
