If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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