i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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