im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
