Porn is love you can see.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
