now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
