Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
