there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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