She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
