She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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