is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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