Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
