Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it's like iHOP with fire
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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