I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
