the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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