Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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