8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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