I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
