I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
