So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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