i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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