I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
