Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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