everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
