So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
