are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
