you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
