They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
