whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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