My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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