I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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