Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
