And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
