Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
