The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
